mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
