we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
