I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
