everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Randomize
