come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
