First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
