it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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