He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize