fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
