I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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