Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
My cat gives me a boner
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
should my penis look like a turkey
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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