peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
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