Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
