Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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