in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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