just come out here and I will go home with you...
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
