If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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