Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
