whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
