I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
