she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
