Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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