We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
