we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
