I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
