why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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