Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
