I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
