Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Can I color on your dick again?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
