he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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