Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
