Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
