Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
