it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
