We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
