saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
