mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
This is classic penis vs brain.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
