when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
No stitches, just platelets and will power
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
