I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
