worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
