so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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