I think I won the penis lottery.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Randomize