CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
