yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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