so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
