i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I have demons in me.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
