scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The struggles of a small town man whore
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
