those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize