Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
