Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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