the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
