I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
