Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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