She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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