I didn't shave. On purpose
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
pray to the hookup gods
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
