I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
