She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
