We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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