You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
