they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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