ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
