i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
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