i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
