I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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