Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
