He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
