sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
