I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize