I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize