i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
