We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
