I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
